Monday, May 14, 2012
The Thing That Keeps Me From God
I feel "busy". Am I overloaded with things that need to be done? I cannot quite put my finger on it, but I don't think that is the problem. I believe that the busyness that plagues me is in my mind. Now, realistically, the last few weeks have been busier for our family due to various circumstances. And, I do need to complete more tasks this week than normal because we are leaving for vacation on Friday. However, I have noticed that there are certain thoughts that I have regardless of my position.
As a single person, I was busy. Looking back, I feel that I should have felt that I had lots of free time because I had no one to take care of except myself. I worked 40 hours a week and went to church several times a week, but I only had to feed, dress and do laundry for one person.
Fast forward a few years and I'm married and busy. Now of course I would feel busier due to having to cook and clean for 2 people instead of one. Plus, there wasn't as much alone time which would increase that feeling. At this time, we were heavily involved in our church which did take more time than our current situation.
Fast forward a few more years and I'm married with one child and work 40+ hours a week. At this point, it is obvious that I have quite a lot to do. As any mom that works full-time would tell you, you are pulled in many directions and do not feel like you are able to do and be everything that it appears you should. I remember being aggravated at others that did not have to work and had time to choose when they would get their groceries and had the option of sleeping in every once and while.
Fast forward to the present and I'm married with two children and have the privilege of being a stay at home mom. And guess what? I feel busy!!! I can honestly admit that it took this long for me to realize that I am in charge of my own life. I do not have to attend every event to which I am invited. If I want time to read and relax, I have to choose to use my time in that way. I will never get everything done.
Maybe some of you cannot relate to this, but I'm sure that someone will understand. Each life is different and each one of us have various levels of responsibility concerning work and family. However, I believe this busyness is what draws many of us away from God. It is exactly what causes me to not spend time with my Savior. Before I became a stay at home mom, I would blame not taking the time I needed with God on the things that I had to do. I'm not talking about watching television and surfing the internet. I was busy cleaning, exercising, taking care of my family and going to church. I was consumed with doing the things that would be considered worthy. I was Martha and the Lord longs for Mary. (God brought this to mind as I was writing this blog.)
So, how do we get from Martha to Mary? Ask God to show you how to prioritize your life. When you feel frustrated and rushed, call out to Him and ask for direction. This isn't the life that God wants for us. He wants us to spend time with Him. Satan loves our busy lives. Whether we are busy in the many things that really do need to be done, or we are busy in our minds and unable to concentrate on our Lord as we go about our daily activities, Satan doesn't care. He is overjoyed that he can control us and keep us from the God that we so desperately need simply by consuming our time and our minds.
I shared recently our family vision. Knowing that this is my desire, I am asking God to prioritize my life. I want a clean house, but more than that, I want to be passionately in love with God and that love to spill over onto my children. Lord, make me a Mary!